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I am painting a mural painting; The Death Of Loyalty' 70X80.
This painting is quite an emotional release for me and I am painting in the names and faces of all my betrayers, or perceived betrayers. I am sure they have felt betrayed by me. Who betrays who in the end? It is all perception. It still does not keep me from expressing the depth of pain, sadness and anger. I am a leo and I have a kind feminine nature, I don't understand betrayal. I am a loyal person, and I demand loyalty from those close to me. It is not in my nature to gossip behind people's backs or go out of my way to hurt others. I am engrossed in this life process and I work hard to keep my self focused and streamlined. Being betrayed by those close to you is a historical fact. Look at Czar! This painting is about the unexpected mutiny that can happen in someone's life when someone wins an unexpected lottery. Everyone comes to eat the core of their being, they are in extreme danger. So it is with success and wealth or boons of talent, humans covet and sometimes in their greedy quest they covet ideas, energy, your friends, and even a persons identity. Sting used to show the film "Single white female" to his band every time they went on tour. He wanted them to see how it worked.
What is loyalty? And why is she so rare? The American culture and media slams betrayal and infidelity in your face all day. Is this the natural state or is it a fabricated reality? Without going too much into religion and freedom from oppression, I feel loyalty is a dying virtue. However, we can cultivate loyalty in our personal lives through right action. Always looking at the people we let into our lives. If they squander their health, their wealth and their money, they will squander yours. So it is our responsibility to cultivate relationships with people of high moral integrity. It is morality that strengthens the will, I was taught this at an early age. I'm not talking about dogma and original sin. I am talking about the deep nutrition of trust in the universe and in our fellow man. Cultivating loyalty means you don't talk about someone behind their back. Ever. If you have problems with that person to do the right thing and speak to them directly. You just might find that they thought you were talking about them.
I was also taught to forgive. And to this day I see that those with open hearts are healthier people. Something electromagnetic in the heart sphere that the body needs, like the body's generator. You don't want a weak heart, and loving and forgiving makes the muscle stronger. However, you don't want to be a doormat either, because then you have angry lionesses getting their revenge and that is pretty nasty for everyone involved especially if you like to win. Which I do. Someone rooted in the Tao avoids the confrontation and danger of conflicts. I always try to avoid drama in my personal life and keep the drama alive in my Art. People who stir up drama want your energy. Where thought goes energy flows, their are some real bloodsuckers out there. An artist avoids them at all cost, ignoring is the best way. And if they won't stop and their is obsession or bullying happening, I like the little trick of exposing them on facebook. Nothing cuts obsession out like exposure.
I think the worst kind of betrayal is when someone projects their shit onto you. Because you can't defend yourself against it, it's so subtle. If they are jealous and they accuse you of being jealous for years, if you don't have a good head on your shoulders you'll start to believe anything. Or when they question your health, while sucking down pharmaceuticals and smoking cigarettes. Or when they tell you, you have issues with death because you paint masterpieces. Lucky for us truth lovers there is one great and omnipotent solution; The truth always comes out. I don't trust people who are afraid of truth, it usually means they are working hard to hide something. I love truth and I am rooted in the knowing that the truth WILL set you free. It is a simple but profound trust. My fault is that I'm impatient and I usually don't want to wait for the truth to come out, so I spur it on it's way. That is my nature.
Character assasination is really bad in my book, as is slandering someones name. If I don't know about a person I really don't assume to know. My policy is to live and let live. I believe all issues arrive from the inability to control someone outside of yourself' while all peace comes from the ability to master yourself. When someone try's to ruin your reputation by slandering your name in accusations, Wow, well I have to say that really pisses me off. Especially if they are close to you, because other people trust their word and they assume that they must know. Thus, take heed who you tell your intimate story too. This painting is about learning that lesson.
It is important to remain grateful and to see the people that obstructed your path as blessings. The quote "Thank you for showing me what I don't want in my life" pops up. In the end this painting says more than any words I can put on it. It is possible that the actual death of loyalty' is my own death of loyalty toward people who are not rooted in truth. I have a sense of duty to old friends, teachers and family. But my loyalty is rooted in truth. When a mutiny of innocence happens, you loose your loyalty but keep your sense of duty. The only thing I am truly loyal to is the truth, everything and everyone is passing through the conscious or unconscious power of it. My goal is to be conscious. People can be over-loyal too, think about it.
The woman in the painting is Loyalty' itself. She is the archetype of loyalty and betrayal, She is a queen slaughtered, she is the silent part in every person who longs for the sacred trust of loyalty. Of which without trust and loyalty one cannot live.
Anyways, sometimes people say hurtful things in your face, like "Your special" at which point I say, I'm not special I'm a star bitch:)
Marta Gottfried Wiley